So where have I been for a month? Obviously not at typepad.com updating my blog. For a few weeks, I was back and forth to Athens and loving the haze of freelancing, dining with friends, sleeping, and waking early to start the cycle anew. But then I really began to miss my husband and the calm and happiness he brings to my days, and so I wrapped up the work I had in Athens and headed back to Knoxville. And then things got sticky. The realization of not having to do anything quickly turned into anxiety about not being productive, and that non-productivity turned into a feeling of worthlessness, which tumbled into knots of self-pity, and on and on until my birthday weekend. To help me celebrate and to help me break free from my malaise, a friend came up from Athens and we spent a Saturday morning doing all of the things I've wanted to do since arriving - a lazy breakfast by the pool was followed with antiquing in Bearden and a trip to the Farmer's Market in downtown Knoxville.
Only seconds after arriving at the Farmer's Market and in a whirl of chaos, next to the screaming kids that were running through the Market Square fountain and steps away from the hippies playing guitars, I ran into two friends on a busy Knoxville street. Two of my very favorite people in the world. People that live in Athens. People I have missed since leaving them seven months ago. And at that point my heart was full because I was made to realize that time and distance can't keep you from the people that make you feel whole.
Since arriving in Knoxville, despite all of the positive things that have occurred, I've continued to bemoan the loss of my sense of place. I've wrestled with trying to develop a new community, forgetting that it takes time to find the people and places that bring inspiration into your life. And so Ethiel decided to take matters into his own hands by inviting some of our nearest and dearest to Knoxville. For just over twenty-four hours, we had the best of Athens here in Knoxville, and we were able to share the best of Knoxville with them. After the most fulfilling day I've had since arriving, a day that included visits to the botanical garden, downtown art galleries, and the iconic Sunsphere, we headed back to the pool house to relax and make dinner.
In my dreamy state of bliss, I was completely oblivious when Ethiel weirdly requested that I come to the bedroom so he could tell me something. And in the midst of thinking, "It's totally rude for him to tell me a secret when we have company," a room full of people sprung from the shadows and shouted "SURPRISE!" I was so stunned and horrified that I elicited the most bloodcurdling scream man has ever known and ran away. Having never been the victim of a surprise party, I was overwhelmed by the excitement and hid. And then I laughed so hard I cried. And only after getting past the shock-induced waves of nausea, I was able to enjoy the evening surrounded by friends, old and new.
The love and contentment I felt that weekend - from the fantastic people I have recently met and from those I've held close to my heart for years - helped me realize that I'm not alone in this weird period of transition. While I don't know what awaits - none of us do - I trust that things are getting better. I hope you'll forgive the brief absence as I continue to find my way. It's impossible to be happy all of the time - I know this and try my best to accept it - but I've wanted to paint a pretty picture here for the world to see and I just haven't been able to feign enthusiasm for the last few weeks.
I suppose being genuine is more important than pretty pictures.
